They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
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