You work out of a Hotel?
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
