Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
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