He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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