this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Randomize
