I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
