i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
