Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
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