if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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