So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
