i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
It's blow job season.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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