Yo dont text me then not text me
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
