Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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