My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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