Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I think pants incapable of making pants work
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
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