I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
