I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
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It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
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They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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