My balls are so social today.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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