One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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