this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
