I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
