pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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