batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
