My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
