I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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