If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
