My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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