I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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