You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Randomize
