is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
