I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.