I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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