Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
