Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Randomize
