That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
