She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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