I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize