Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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