I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
