the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
