So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
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