am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
