I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
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