Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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