the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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