we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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