apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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