so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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