They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
