You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
