I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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