So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
