Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
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