Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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