So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
how drunk are you?
Several
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
