I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
