i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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