Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
