So drunk its hurt
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
