Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
