how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Randomize
