your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
