I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
