I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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