I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
meet me or not, i'm out of control
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
