I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Dick very happy bro
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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