I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
