I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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