Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
