he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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