I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I need moral support for this bender
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
