do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
