onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
