i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
