She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I want her autograph on my taint
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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