you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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