I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
