WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
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