that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
