HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I want to have your abortion
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize