Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
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Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
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Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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