fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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