i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
