Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
