Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Randomize
