He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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